The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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