We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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