So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
