evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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