Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
