did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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