I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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