I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
