OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
