This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
