Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
