I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
