we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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