I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
What did we do last night that was yellow?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
