whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
