Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
