Betty ford says i'm here all night
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
