doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
