More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
