May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
