i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
