just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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