He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
