And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
