and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
