He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
