i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
