her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
