there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
