In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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