I didn't shave. On purpose
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
