why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
