the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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