I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
