i think my tv is drunk
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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