I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
