Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
