the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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