Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
