I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
