So drunk its hurt
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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