im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
