yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
