he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
