can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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