We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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