you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
