So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
