it was like eating out sand paper
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
