So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
